Such Happiness In Thought Happens

June 13, 2008

Dealing with pregnancy

Filed under: Pregnant wife — Tags: — Duane @ 10:22 pm

I can hear the screams of the women already – “what does HE know about being pregnant! His wife is pregnant, not him. So what is he whinging about?” Yes all of that is true, but I am still the man beside the woman who is pregnant, and not just any old pregnancy, but pregnant with twins. One of my aims of this blog was to write down thoughts and that of how I felt about the pregnancy and the time is near come when Agnes will soon give birth and I haven’t said much (if at all) about what I think. So hear I go! *deep sigh*

Here are the common questions and answers:
“How are you doing?” – OK
“It’s exciting isn’t it?” – Of course it is, but a bit apprehensive as well.
“How is Agnes coping with it?” – As well as she can.

Even though it is the woman who gives birth, it is the couple that go through pregnancy. And the frustrating thing is that everyone asks how the woman is doing, not the male. Plus they forget the fact that both people are in it together for the pregnancy. Occasionally I have had a few people ask how I am holding up, but for the main part no-one has bothered to ask how I’m doing and what I think. And that pisses me off! Agnes always keeps my feelings into account and is always straight with me and wants to know my thoughts and feelings, which is great. But it would be nice if others asked more often as well. Worse was when Agnes had her baby shower and I was told (quite bluntly mind you) “NO MEN ALLOWED!” So I had to bugger off during the do, even though there were a number of people there I had not seen for a long time and wanted to catch up with them.

Now that gripe is not always on my mind, but every now and then it rears its ugly little head. For the most part I am happy that people have an interest. I am extremely happy and excited that after so long we are going to have a family. It is just daunting having to deal with two at once. Everything we have read and been told is that the first three months will be exhausting and you have no idea what to expect. So why do people think we are excited when all we hear is the doom and gloom, with none of the joy and happiness? Plus the fact of how we are going to manage, especially with the way the world is going: prices, inflation, fuel, etc.

The main way I have been coping is by keeping busy and making sure things are organised. As most people know I am NOT the most handiest of people around the house. Yet work needed to be done to bring the house up to our expectations, plus then getting a nursery ready. There has been cots and change tables to put together, weeding and cleaning to be done, and general odds and ends to be finished. Thankfully my dad IS a handyman in every sense of the word and has been a great help in getting everything done. I think it is his way of contributing and passing on the knowledge that he has, and I love him for it. God knows if it wasn’t for him we would not have achieved as much as we have done. The latest job of putting up a bench in the laundry is testimount to that.

But keeping busy does have its down sides as well – I have been ill more time recently than I have ever been in my life; we have become loners – not seeing our friends as often (there are other factors to that as well, but I can’t help but feel the pregnancy has something to do with it; esp as most of our friends don’t have children and a number do not want children). The plus side of course is having the work done and not breathing down my neck at some later time.

The one thing I do worry about a lot is integrating my work and my new responsibilities. I travel a fair bit for work, and wonder how that will affect us in the future. I am having the first month off after the twins are born. But the next month I have to make up for all the courses that had to be postponed because I am the only one who can facilitate them. In August already I have about 8 or 9 days away from home. How is Agnes going to cope with newborn twins while I’m not here? That is one thing I worry about a lot. Another is how will I have time with my girls if I am not here all the time? I know travel is part of my job and work is doing what they can to take my new circumstances into account (the new trainer is being trained up in the course only I can do at the moment; but he is months away from being ready for it), but still it nags atr the back of my head.

Am I looking forward to seeing our baby girls? DEFINITELY!!While the near future is daunting I have spent some time daydreaming of what it will be like when they are older; will they be like us or will they be little bitches; that sort of thing. Agnes and I talked about having children when we were first together and I gave it some thought, but like a typical male did not give it any serious thought. Then came the years of no luck and we gave it a break to regain our sanity and it helped bring us closer together as a couple. We tried again more to see the embryo-es used and see what would happen; and somehow both embryo-es took. The first trimester was holding our breath to see if misfortune would take us again, any then slowly by slowly we allowed ourselves to believe it would happen – we would finally be parents. It is still a shock to the system, but a joyous shock at that.

One way of dealing with the shock of the unknown is to read. Everyone close to us knows we both love to read, but now we had to read outside of our comfort zone – babies, pregnancy and most importantly twins! So I started looking in the library and lucked out finding a couple of books that give us hope. We both know that nothing will be like the books say, but it is nice to read ahead and get a bit of an expectation. Better that than being unprepared and wondering what do I do next? We still wonder what will we do next, but now we have a bit better of an understanding and hopefully (fingers crossed) we will have a plan.

Advice. That one word has so many adjectives that can be used in front of it when it comes to pregnancy. Everyone has to have their say on the matter. Of course we listen to it, but we have our own ideas. If you know both of us well, you REALLY know that we have our own ideas. Some of the advice has definitely been helpful, but most you just listen politely and then discard it onto the trash pile with the other 10 truckloads of advice over the last six months. When will people get it through their thick heads that we will always have the best interests in mind for our girls? Do they really think we will deliberately do something that is not good for them? And of course as soon as strangers hear that you are having twins, out come all the twins stories and advice. Bugger off! We are private people and want to celebrate this our own way. Agnes can’t even walk through the shopping centre nowadays without someone commenting on how long to go, etc, etc, etc.

Ok I think I am winding down now. It is just hard having to listen to the one you love moan about the pain and discomfort and not be able to do anything to help. I know she needs to get it off her chest and have someone there to listen, but when you hear it so often it just breaks your heart and makes you wonder how she is able to deal with it? Especially in the last few weeks since I have been permanently home and I am around at night, Agnes has said that the girls are definitely more active and that has caused her some bruising. Tonight for example Agnes has gone to bed early as she didn’t sleep well last night; one has the hiccups (which has been happening a lot lately) and the other is tap dancing all over the place.

So how am I dealing with it all? You tell me from the above post. Honestly I am doing ok, I just want the twins to come out so we can greet them and get on with being parents. The next stage of our life – with children.

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